Self-destruction stage one:

Alienate all friend-like people. 

Yep, I reached my threshold, your time is up. 

Fuck everything. 

So this morning, I went back to sleep watching an episode of 30 Rock, and dreamt the entire episode, it was wonderful. 

So last night my brother asked me to take him to school at 6:30 in the morning cause he has hockey training. I said yeah, and asked him to put something in the freezer for me - which is literally five steps from my bedroom, because I was already in bed.

I got up ready to go by 6:15 and my mum says oh no, I’m taking him. When I asked why, she said “because you said you would only take him if he would be your slave”. 

I didn’t realise asking for a favour meant asking someone to be your slave - remembering that I drove him to school yesterday. 

fuck - I think this shit time of life is for keeps. 

Feeling slightly better, well I’m sure I’m not, but when I have impending deadlines I simply don’t allow anything to interfere with my procrastination - including insanity, no. Not insanity - just petty silliness. Things seem better today - the lack of sleep helps, I have not the energy to drink a coffee let alone have miniature breakdowns involving staring with no purpose at a wall for a period of time undetermined. 

On a lighter note, I’m losing track of time - days disappear in what feels like minutes, seconds last for hours. I have no idea what I have done or what I’ve thought about doing - if I thought  about buying a coffee earlier this morning I cannot distinguish between that and having actually bought one. The gaps are starting to get to me, like, they are fucking up my work life, and messing with my head, did I lock my front door, did I turn the shower off, did I shower? 

Fix my silliness please?

ktnxbai.